Since emotional instability is one of the critical … She is likely to test your loyalty by staying out late to see if you will call to check on her. It is the Borderline’s super power of gaining control over someone and each time the person with BPD finds it effective, it reinforces itself to the point of being malignant and ends up being used consistently if not unintentionally as a tool to gain power over the relationship. They usually feel like they do not have any control over their emotions. Emotional detachment may include being reserved, aloof, and limiting emotional expression and experience. “I never said that! This is triggered by splitting where everything is either all good or all bad. Most of her reactions and decisions are driven by irrationality and visceral compulsion. She can be presented with evidence that she did hurt you in some way but since her emotions governs her thinking, she may continue counter arguing despite having no proof to back it up. (Percentages are for Female BPD sufferers), DSM5- Differential Diagnosis, Associated Features. The anxiety was BPD but the lies were a choice. Hoarding - Some people with BPD may accumulate items to an extent that it becomes detrimental to quality of lifestyle, comfort, security or hygiene usually due to problems with object constancy and the tendency to impulsively spend. She won’t hesitate to place your relationship and finances at stake. People with BPD tend to have difficulty interpreting social signals and facial expressions. They spend time worrying about their appearance or what people think of them. If the Favorite Person is submissive or a Nice Guy, sexuality may be used as a carrot on a stick. No matter what your experience of “embarrassing” BPD symptoms looks like, we … But the unity that connects people diagnosed with BPD is deceptive. Intermittent Reinforcement is when rules, rewards or personal boundaries are handed out or enforced inconsistently and occasionally with the extraordinary result of bonding with and controlling someone else. Suicidal ideation and emotional blackmail; "I don't want to go on living--I'll kill myself if you leave me/don't return," etc. This can account for some of the high rate of sexual abuse and teen pregnancies reported in BPD patients. Even after a relationship is established, Future Faking may be applied in response to an impending abandonment or other self-serving need. Spending more money than is earned is common with remorse occurring only after being caught or when a bill comes in that can’t be paid. The person with BPD will not usually realize that they are Baiting and consider themselves not to have a malicious intent but fail to see their unconscious seeking of emotional reaction. They often find themselves just sitting around bored which can trigger a flight of ideas where thoughts flood in and their thinking mind (which seems to feed off of negativity) will use splitting to pick out the favorite one to ruminate on and will do so for a long period of time, sometimes leading to an emotional cascade and a dysregulated state. A person with BPD often uses sex manipulatively to entrap or keep a partner but also as a source of much desired endorphins, human connection or escape from their inner pain. A person with BPD will generally have a tendency to experience a broad range of negative emotions with a frequency and intensity out of proportion to the situation. the people who answer are almost always going to be those who say "yes." (as opposed to white lies that protect others) These are patterns of untruths that started in early youth. Underneath that, there’s a sense of inferiority and incompleteness. If such behavior persists for long periods of time, comorbid Bipolar may be occurring. They have a high incidence of Somatic Disorders, Fibromyalgia and chronic pain without specific causation often resulting in dramatic complaints. A BPD’s tendency to alienate friends often leaves a void of friend openings that they would like to fill and troubled people tend to be readily available. It is difficult to think of what to do and nothing seems fun so they just sit in a blue funk of depression. The use of these substances drastically decreases already impaired reasoning and increases emotions and impulsive dyscontrol making the symptoms of BPD even worse and increasing the chance of suicide. They may express the negative features of anxiety, anger, worry, fear, vulnerability, hostility, shame, depression, pessimism, guilt, low self esteem, and mistrustfulness. She mentally keeps a long list of things that you did that were conceivably meant to harm her and she will have a very short memory when it comes to any good that you have done. This is likely to have happened a lot in their childhood, setting them up for a lifetime of maladaptive behaviors. Unfortunately, over time, the behavior tends to feel more childish than childlike. They tend to be excessively needy, intense and mistrusting in relationships. They can also pronounce a negative global judgment based on one deficient characteristic. The people they encounter would be shocked in unbelief to hear of how much they (or their family) suffer, but that person had a false demeanor, they were on their best behavior. There’s a high rate of suicidal ideation, threats and attempts in the BPD population. They may react to things based solely on how it affects them. Their brain electrical function when exposed to these objects is significantly different in some areas of the brain than control subjects. A tendency to try and read between the lines with everything and discover hidden meanings that may or may not be there. You have a deep fear that you're going to be abandoned by others. These patients are able to control their emotional flow as needed; for example, when visiting a friend, at church, in public or at a doctors visit. Anything found, no matter how inconsequential or benign will be thrown in your face. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. Expectations are built up so that even the slightest problem triggers a dysregulated state. Many/most of these things are not based in research and are not generally accepted in the clinical community. due to never having resolved their own core trauma issues. They afraid of trying, they are afraid of not trying. Relying on you to center and ground her, giving her a sense of direction because her goals otherwise keep changing every few months. This is why people are advised to avoid complementing a Borderline on their therapeutic progress. In fact, this ability can allow the BPD to convince a therapist that the problems are caused by others. Also, they self sabotage themselves at the cost of school and work. • “Imposter syndrome” very common, where you question the validity/existence of your disorder, question whether or not you may have a completely different disorder, worry about faking it or exaggerating symptoms, want to prove the existence of your illness by getting worse, etc. This is the manipulation arsenal of the Emotionally Unstable. Some of these may mysteriously disappear while other maladies appear without apparent cause or with seemingly trivial triggers not usually associated with that problem. Neutral and mundane words, situations and facial expressions are often distorted and perceived and interpreted as threats of abandonment and rejection. A tendency to act rashly based on immediate external or internal stimuli (i.e., sensations, emotions, thoughts), without consideration of potential negative consequences. Some Borderlines (especially Hermit types) may experience social detachment including avoidance of social interactions, lack of friendships, and avoidance of intimacy. They are afraid of being judged, they are afraid of being completely rejected by everyone. A BPD sufferer will sometimes think themselves better off dead or threaten suicide as a manipulative gesture. Symptoms can include feeling like you're a bad person or invisible. is a common tendency. If a gift or card is forgotten on an anniversary, you have failed (but she may condescend to allow you to make up for it with a very expensive gift). The few friends that choose to remain in contact will often seem to not have much time for them. You can’t seem to relax, chill out, or “stand down,” around this person. She longs for drama and interpersonal conflict. Oftentimes, there will be memory distortion, or revisionism, where memories will be revised to fit their needs or feelings. Thank you so much for making this post!! its like i have a weight off my shoulders. A BPD’s fear of abandonment often fuel their irrational, jealous paranoia of your relationship. I have BPD and I am scarily accurate at telling the time without a clock, for instance. This refers to the fact that some people frequently bring the focus of attention back to themselves. A person with BPD invariably has problems in establishing and maintaining consistent and appropriate levels of trust in interpersonal relationships. They may suggest specifics of a potential future home, marriage or having children together or whatever deep desires that they may have determined to be important to you during the Mirroring/Attribute Mining process. Mirroring your personality and preferences so perfectly during the courtship period (e.g., enjoying everything and everyone you like) that you were convinced you had met your "soul mate". Although I'm not always able to and sometimes my emotions get the better of me- and then I immediately feel bad, which doesn't really help the situation. Borderline personality disorder can harm relationships, because patients fear rejection and abandonment. This results in constant "he said/she said" arguments where the BPD is recalling some entirely different conversation and give every indication that they actually believe the their internally revised version.

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